Regardless of our political affiliations or beliefs, we're all plagued by certain scourges of the computer world (besides message board trolls). I wouldn't wish a hard-drive-destroying virus on my worst Liberal opponent... well, not my second-worst, anyway. Having worked with computers since the days of stone knives and bearskins (technologically speaking), I've found there are a few ways you can protect your system without being charged an arm and a leg, even if you're not a computer wizard yourself. The four main types of problems most computer users face are viruses, spyware, spam and hackers.

Viruses are pieces of software that, like their biological namesake, infect a system and attempt to propagate. Most viruses spread by attaching themselves to programs that must be run in order to activate their instructions. One of the best anti-virus programs I've found is AVG Antivirus, a product from an Eastern European company called Grisoft. Thanks to the fall of the Soviet Union, Grisoft has opened offices all over the world to help distribute their product with capitalistic zeal. Fortunately, they offer a free version to home users.

Caution: Before installing a new antivirus program, make sure you a) disconnect from the internet and b) uninstall your previous antivirus product completely. Otherwise, the conflict between programs may slow down your system.

A good way to check your system for viruses is to boot from a clean disk, since many viruses hide in the MBR (master boot record) and cannot be cleaned while the PC's operating system is in use. However, Trend Micro has a free version of their antivirus program HouseCall on the web that can check your PC for hidden viruses.

Cookies are useful bits of code that keep track of your preferences and login status, so you don't have to go through the personalisation process every time you visit the same web site. Spyware, however, is a form of malignant cookie that sends reports back to its distributor. Have you ever surfed the web looking for, say, a new toaster, only to get dozens of emails offering you a new toaster the very next day? Spyware is responsible for tracking your websurfing habits to help unscrupulous companies target you for advertising. Luckily, the nice folks at Lavasoft offer a free version of their product, Ad-Aware Personal, for home use. Their website can be viewed in thirteen languages, to satisfy even the most multiculturally-aware Liberal.

While on the subject of email, spam is perhaps the most annoying and most common feature of modern internet use. Although it can be slightly complicated to set up, Mailgate offers a free version of Spam Weasel for home users. With the help of the Spam Weasel Crash Dummy's Guide, anyone can use the program to set up a virtual proxy that can block most spam. This program, however, requires some maintenance, as spammers deliberately misspell various keywords in increasingly inventive ways so as to slide past such filters. You can even configure the program to block things besides standard spam, such as hate mail from various Liberal groups (although it's often so entertaining, I don't see why anyone would want to).

Hackers may attempt to gain access to your PC remotely. While you may not have your passwords, bank account information and credit cards numbers saved in a convenient text file right on your desktop, there is still information on your PC you might not want hackers to have. Addresses, email lists and pictures from that night in the hot tub are all fair game. What's worse, hackers gaining control of your PC might use it to hack another computer... and the attempt might be traced to you if they get caught trying to bring down Wall Street. While the latest versions of my favorite firewall programs, Tiny Personal Firewall and Zone Alarm, are no longer free for home users, SoftPerfect still offers a free version of their software for users on a tight budget.

Whoever you are, and whatever you believe, you should be able to use the internet without fear. None of these free programs are as protective as the retail versions -- after all, "you get what you pay for" is as good a piece of capitalist advice as "let the buyer beware." However, for the average user, they should provide a safety net... in the literal sense of the word.