Take the following simple test to see whether you're a Liberal. Keep track of your answers.
1. Tax cuts...
a. stimulate the economy by putting more money in the hands of all consumers, while reducing the size of government.
b. should be on a sliding scale, so that the more money you make, the more taxes you pay by percentage.
c. ...for the rich!
2. A woman is days away from giving birth, and doesn't want to keep it. She should:
a. give the baby up for adoption.
b. get an abortion... after all, it's not really a child.
c. get an abortion, and the government should pay for it!
3. The United Nations...
a. is proving itself more irrelevant and opposed to America every day; we should consider leaving the UN and forming a new, permanent coalition of nations that are actually on our side. No rogue nations or terrorist states need apply.
b. should be our guide and conduit for international relations.
c. should be given complete sovereignty over all nations, especially the USA!
4. France...
a. is no longer our ally, because of their direct actions against us.
b. has always been our ally; maybe we should listen to their wise advice.
c. knows better than America. We need socialised medicine, shorter work weeks, government-sponsored vacation time, and freedom from morality too!
5. Countries who support terrorism...
a. are on the fast track to becoming our enemies, if they continue.
b. are only doing so because they fear the terrorists.
c. have a right to hate us because we're really the bad guys here.
6. Saddam Hussein...
a. was a monster who needed to be stopped.
b. was a bad leader who should have been stopped by the gradual application of international pressure. Oh, but not sanctions, because that only hurts the people. Just frowning at him at UN meetings would have done it eventually.
c. was a better man and a better leader than Bush!
7. Terrorists...
a. are being taken down one scumbag at a time.
b. hate the US because of world poverty and American arrogance.
c. have the right idea, but they're not active enough.
8. Israel...
a. is a democracy and our ally, and has the right to defend itself against terrorists, the same as we do.
b. is just as bad as the Palestinans; we should stay out of it.
c. should be destroyed; they're as arrogant as America!
9. The mainstream media...
a. is mostly liberal by their own admission. They filter news from Iraq to emphasise the bad, they promote the liberal point of view, and side with the elitists against America.
b. is pretty fair, on the whole. America isn't perfect, you know.
c. is owned by Zionists and controlled by the Bush administration!
10. President George W. Bush, Commander in Chief of the US Armed Forces, Leader of the Free World...
a. is doing a damn fine job, considering all this country has been through in the last three years. His tax cuts are starting to turn Clinton's recession around, his war on terror has prevented over a hundred terrorist plots against America from coming to fruition, and he's responsible for toppling two dictatorships and freeing fifty million people with an incredibly small loss of innocent and American lives. The good far outweighs the bad.
b. is doing a terrible job. There are still poor people and unemployed people in America, the Patriot Acts are killing our freedoms (though I refuse to be more specific about that), and all the other countries really hate us!
c. Hitler! Cowboy! Fascist! Bad evil scum garbage hate (froth) @*#$%^*&^#^%)@^!!!!! ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!! (head explodes)
So, how did you score?
Mostly a's: No, you're no Liberal. You're a fine human being with a good grasp of the issues. Make sure you vote next November!
Mostly b's: Yes, You're a Liberal, but there's hope for you. You can be reasoned with. You need to get over the brainwashing you've undergone at school and by the Liberal media, and start thinking for yourself.
Mostly c's (or, your head exploded): If you hate this country so much, why are you here? You'd enjoy Canada or France, or perhaps Cuba or North Korea MUCH more, I'm thinking, and create a job vacancy for a REAL American by your absence.
BONUS: If you refused to take this test because tests are inherently unfair... yes, you are definitely a Liberal.
Take Part 2 and Part 3 of this test for the full effect.
Posted at Tuesday, October 14, 2003 by
CavalierX
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DMST
October 15, 2003 12:32 AM PDT
I feel that you are in the dark here. Fighting against a "liberal" bogeyman takes energy away from positive change. Take a good deep look at what you are saying with this clever quiz. You say you are for smaller government, but don't mind bottomless funding for war and loans to Israel. You claim "liberals" want to control and legislate every aspect of private life, yet you want to outlaw abortion and keep up the war on drugs. I fail to see any difference between the ideas you set forward and the "liberals" you speak of. It smacks of a "pot calling the kettle black" . I am not a "liberal", although by your words I'm sure you would paint me as such for disagreeing with you. |
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JM
October 15, 2003 05:41 AM PDT
It's funny how Liberals attack military spending when anyone mentions smaller government. The military is one of the few legitimate functions of the government... check out a thing called the Constitution. And where did I even mention the war on drugs? Thanks for trying to put words in my mouth, but I have plenty of my own already. |
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DMST
October 15, 2003 09:03 AM PDT
So, I am a "liberal" to you, eh? Sorry about the drug war reference; what is your stance? I see you say nothing about foreign aid or abortion in your reply. Do you really think Republicans are going to provide smaller government? No party will. As for military spending, wouldn't it be better spent on defence than bringing democracy to other countries? I have yet to see any solid answers from right wingers of your ilk, but what do I know, I'm just a liberal. Open your eyes. |
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Name
October 15, 2003 10:09 AM PDT
The drug war is not working partially because we're fighting it defensively, just like you want to fight the war on terrorism. Build a higher fence, and sooner or later, someone's going to get over it. Then -- what? Build it higher? Sooner or later, someone's going to get over that one, too. Bringing democracy to the middle east is at least a valid attempt to fight the ROOT CAUSE of terrorism. We should take a hard look at the root causes of drug abuse, and go after them as well, instead of fighting defensively. Attacking the problem's cause instead of the symptoms seems to be Bush's trademark.
As for abortion, my "stance" is that it should become illegal at the point at which the child can survive on its own (third trimester). The pretty much gives the mother six months to decide whether she can take care of it or wants it or can handle it. After that, the child should have some rights of its own.
Regarding Republicans providing smaller government... THAT'S WHAT TAX CUTS DO. If you don't eat as much, you lose that ugly fat, right? (Unless, of course, you're the type that blames McDonald's instead of the consumers.) |
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Name
October 18, 2003 08:47 PM PDT
I'm laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes. The test is great, and it definitely rings true. |
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