In a press conference today, Scott McClellan (chief White House spokesman) revealed the President's military pay records from 1972. Those records should have disproved beyond a shadow of a doubt the oft-repeated accusation, soon to become a focus of the Democratic smear campaign against him, that G.W. Bush was AWOL from the Air National Guard or deserted for a few months during that time. The briefing that was televised, however, was actually the second briefing on the subject. The first briefing went a little differently, and another press conference had to be held. However, I just happen to have a transcript of the first briefing, and will reconstruct for you what really happened.
. . .
"These documents outline the days on which he was paid. That means he served," said McClellan, holding up a thick packet of military pay records. "I think these documents show that he fulfilled his duties."
Cries of "Foul!" "AWOL!" and "Liar!" came from the crowd of reporters. One shouted, "They're fake! Those documents were made up!" "We KNOW he didn't serve, so you can't prove he did" yelled another. "You can't prove something we know isn't true!"
"No, ladies and gentlemen," said McClellan, "I assure you they're real. The signatures have been verified by seven different handwriting experts. However, since you remain unconvinced, we also have documentary photographs." He held up pictures of a young George W. Bush sitting in an F-102 fighter, eating a meal with other pilots, and posing on the tarmac with fighters in the background. The cries of "Fake!" and "Fraud!" from the reporters grew even louder. A reporter in the back stood up and shouted, "Those pictures could have been doctored!" "It was all set up by his father!" yelled another.
Losing his smile, McClellan held up a photo of Bush sitting in a fighter reading a newspaper dated "July 3 1972", with two men putting up a sign in the background saying, "Happy Fourth of July 1972!". The media crowd was silent for a second, then one reporter said, "Well... we know that Saddam used doubles, and we know that Bush is no better than Saddam..." The room erupted in shouts of "It's a double!" and "Fake!" "Look, the dates are different!" "Liar!" and "We KNOW he never served; why can't you just admit the TRUTH?"
"We have fingerprints..." began McClellan. "Recent!" the reporters screamed. "DNA evidence!" said McClellan. "It must be a clone!" "I have here a sworn statement signed by the Pope..." began McClellan again, but the screams of red-faced outrage continued to drown him out. Suddenly the sky grew dark, the curtains blew in the wind, and in a flash of lightning, God Himself appeared, stunning the reporters into silence.
"I swear by Me that the President's statements are true," He began in a thunderous voice, but once again the room erupted into pandemonium. "No! No!" yelled one man, "You're a big fake too!" "How much did BushCo pay you?" "Fraud!" "Bush can stoop no lower than this!" yelled another. "He even got God to lie for him!" "He's even more evil than we thought!" screamed a woman in the back.
"I've had about all I can take of this," God muttered, and vanished. The angry reporters continued to yell at increasing volumes, until one by one they all collapsed, their eyes rolling up in their heads and flecks of foam on their mouths.
"I hate when that happens," McClellan sighed. An aide poked his head into the room. "What's going on, sir?"
"Let's just say they were allergic to facts," McClellan said. "Call the papers and tv stations; let's get their replacements out here and try again."
Posted at Tuesday, February 10, 2004 by
CavalierX
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Kerry Dupont
February 11, 2004 09:04 AM PST
I am rolling! After the post that I put up on this issue this morning, I needed this kind of take!
Thanks! :) |
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Kerry Dupont
February 11, 2004 09:11 AM PST
BTW, I saw that you are reading "Reagan in His Own Hand". Great read. The way that it is set up is perfect for getting in a bit each day. I loved it. Had the honor of meeting him in 1986, I have come to treasure that the more each day that passes. |
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JM
February 11, 2004 09:41 AM PST
It IS a great book. By the way, Ollie North is in Berlin filming a movie about how the Wall came down, and how. Look for an honest portrayal of Reagan (you listening, Les Moonves?) sometime this summer. |
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jamie g.
February 11, 2004 02:06 PM PST
Hilarious. I don't know if you recall, but I once asked if you were a columnist and I meant that sincerely. Your suberb use of sarcasm and dry wit is absolutely wonderful. Have you ever read any of James Lileks columns? Your writing reminds me a lot of his.
But as to the subject of Pres. Bush's military service - no matter how many documents are uncovered, how many people come forward verifying his presence, it is obvious that the media, the Democratic candidates, etc, will never acknowledge the truth. They didn't the last time (in 2000, when even the NYT had to retract their blatant BS - a RARE occurance indeed!)
And I think its hilarious that J. Kerry (the Vietnam vet) is now backing off from his vitriole about it and saying that "it is not an issue". Could it be the result of his 1992 speech supporting Bill Clinton's lack of service being dug out and put out there for the whole world to see. I can't a hypocrite, no matter what party they are affiliated with.
BTW - there is a new posting on Iraqthemodel. Its another good one, too! I haven't seen you there lately - but just so you know - "Nadia" has been exposed by someone who took a peek at "her" IP address...... |
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JM
February 11, 2004 03:07 PM PST
I think that may be the best compliment I've ever recieved. Lileks is perhaps the best writer alive. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were really my mother hiding behind a pseudonym. :)
As for Kerry, there's enough dirt in his past to bury Mt. Rushmore, so he'd BETTER be careful about running a mud-slinging campaign.. |
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Jeff Stark
February 11, 2004 07:59 PM PST
Excellent as always. |
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Jamie G
February 12, 2004 09:22 AM PST
I'm not your mother, but I'm probably old enough to be....
Seriously, the mud-slinging by the politicians and their parties (mostly Democrats, but Republicans do ut as well) is really getting horrible. I live in Alabama, where slandering your rival is more of a rule than an exception. Its disgusting. It appears that politicians no longer run on their positions on the "issues" (if they even choose to state their positions), their qualifications, etc. Personally, I prefer to decide whom to vote for by looking at their stance on issues, their record in office, how realistic their proposals are, etc. |
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