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The Associated Press recently reported the apparent kidnapping of an American soldier named John Adam in Iraq:
BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) - Iraqi militants claimed in a Web statement Tuesday to have taken an American soldier hostage and threatened to behead him in 72 hours unless the Americans release Iraqi prisoners. The U.S. military said it was investigating, but the claim's authenticity could not be immediately confirmed. Turns out that AP fell hook, line and sinker for a hoax. It seems the terrorists had actually snatched a Cody action figure (which explains why he was "stiff and expressionless"): A militant group's claim that it had kidnapped a U.S. soldier in Iraq and planned to behead him was suspected of being a hoax yesterday, after a California toy manufacturer said photos of the purported captive on an insurgent Web site appeared to show one of its collectible dolls. An executive for Dragon Models USA said the soldier looked exactly like a foot-tall G.I. Joe-type doll the company manufactured for sale at U.S. bases in Kuwait. The Slinky betrayed us. I should have known. I never trusted him. He was an unstable character, always going back and forth, back and forth, never showing a shred of backbone. "Come, senor, I know the way to the insurgents' headquarters," he rasped. The fact that he was an Arab toy speaking with a stereotypical Spanish accent should have tipped me off. But hindsight is always 20/20. Literally. I can turn my head 360 degrees. Not only have terrorists been reduced to kidnapping action figures, but two different groups have claimed responsibility for downing a British C-130 Hercules transport plane -- and both claims may be false. One group sent al-Jazeera a tape which showed a finger pressing a button, a missile flying through the air, then flaming wreckage on the ground... but no footage of an impact, or anything identifying the wreckage. The other group, Ansar al-Islam, claimed to have shot the plane down with an anti-tank missile... which couldn't possibly reach the plane's last reported altitude of 15,000 feet. The terrorists were also reduced to using victims of Down's Syndrome as suicide bombers in their vain attempt to stop the Iraqi election. That's not funny at all, but it shows us the kind of people we're dealing with, how desperate they've become in their efforts to re-enslave Iraq, and how difficult it is for them to find recruits. Real terrorist attacks are still occuring in Iraq, and will continue to do so for some time, but the enemy's power over the Iraqi people is diminishing. As for whoever is faking terrorist attacks and kidnapping toys... we may have to send in a squad of G.I. Joes to take care of this. Or if things get really tough... Team America: World Police. |
| Angrydog February 4, 2005 11:25 AM PST When will President Bush realize that innocent toys are being abducted and disassembled simply for his actions and those of the United States of America? Help stop the insanity. Write a letter to our President asking that he cease military action on Iraq, so to put an end to the heinous crimes being committed to unsuspecting toys such as "Cody." | ||
| Jamie February 5, 2005 03:17 PM PST I've heard horror stories about how they are forcing Barbie and Skipper to wear burkas. | ||
| colin hodge February 6, 2005 02:40 AM PST Check out this Aljeera article - a rescue mission is being planned! http://www.cornellreview.org/viewart.cgi?num=452 | ||
| Psychic Ferret February 7, 2005 09:29 AM PST Those damned Slinkies - no backbone. | ||
| Mad heron March 13, 2005 04:55 PM PST Hey these nuts are holding GI JOE hostage dose it mean something? maybe its time for HE-MAN to he on his guard | ||
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