Take the following simple test to see whether you're a Liberal. Keep track of your answers.
21. The recent elections in Afghanistan, Iraq, Palestine and Saudi Arabia...
a. are indicative of a sweeping change in the Middle East, catalysed by US foreign policy.
b. will probably lead to civil wars in all those countries, as the people cannot handle democracy.
c. would have taken place eventually despite Bush's cowboy wars, which probably delayed democratic reforms somehow.
22. Iran's pursuit of nuclear power...
a. must not be allowed to reach fruition, even if another nation supplies the nuclear fuel; the mullahs will find a way to cheat just as the North Koreans did.
b. is their own business; why shouldn't they have nuclear weapons if they want them?
c. is just another excuse for Bush to swagger around the Middle East like the new sheriff in town!
23. Social Security...
a. will reach crisis point in the next few decades; the sooner we act to fix it the easier and cheaper it will be to do so... just as prominent Democrats, including Bill Clinton, were saying in the late 1990's.
b. is nothing I need to worry about just yet.
c. is fine! Just fine!! Bush just wants to destroy it to screw the poor and pocket the profits... somehow!
24. Professor Ward Churchill of the University of Colorado...
a. should be dismissed for lying about being a Native American to get hired, lying about his military service and selling plagiarised artwork. Do we want the sort of person who proudly demonised the victims of 9/11 and falsely accuses the US Army committing genocide teaching impressionable kids in public schools?
b. is only being targeted because of what he said about 9/11 "victims."
c. is a fine, upstanding professor whose freedom of speech is being unfairly attacked! A professor should be allowed to say anything he wants, since his purpose is to ask questions and make people think.
25. Harvard president Lawrence Summers...
a. merely asked why there are fewer women than men in science and engineering, then offered several traditionalist explanations for possible consideration and debate, citing research results... which was appropriate, considering that the topic of the conference was "Diversifying the Science & Engineering Workforce."
b. must really hate women, to say that they're not as good at math as men.
c. must be personally and professionally destroyed for saying that women aren't perfectly equal in every way to men! Such blatant political incorrectness cannot be tolerated in the name of "free speech." A college president should know better.
26. Syrian President Bashar Assad...
a. is in serious violation of UN resolution 1559, as well as the Syria Accountability Act. His support of terrorists and Saddam loyalists, manufacture of WMDs and occupation of Lebanon is going to cost him dearly, if he doesn't give them all up.
b. is doing what he must to protect his country from his neighbors.
c. is merely the next victim of the Bush Imperial Hegemony.
27. Nazis...
a. were supporters of an evil ideology which deserved to be wiped out.
b. had some good points, like their support for profit redistribution and welfare.
c. were just like Republicans, as Senator Robert Byrd (D-W.Va) said, despite their support for profit redistribution and welfare.
28. Howard Dean's election to head of the DNC...
a. is the best thing to happen to the Republican party.
b. was mostly due to his fundraising abilities and his campaign's use of the Internet. He'll be happy working quietly behind the scenes, really.
c. is the best thing to happen to the Democratic party, who were drifting too far to the Right.
29. Iran and North Korea...
a. are the two remaining members of the "Axis of Evil," and pose a threat to us and the rest of the world.
b. are no better and no worse than anyone else. There's no reason to cause trouble with them, as they haven't attacked us.
c. are our last hope for a Bush/Republican failure. As Susan Soderburg (former Clinton foreign policy advisor) said on The Daily Show when discussing the spread of democracy, "Well, there's still Iran and North Korea, don't forget. There's hope for the rest of us."
30. The possibility that President Bush was right in saying that people in the Middle East want freedom and democracy...
a. looks increasingly likely every day.
b. is an example of how anyone can "get lucky."
c. cannot be considered! What are you, his lackey? Besides, he looks like a chimp!!
Mostly a's: No, you're no Liberal. You're a fine human being with a good grasp of the issues.
Mostly b's: Yes, You're a Liberal, but there's hope for you. You can be reasoned with. You need to get over the brainwashing you've undergone at school and by the Liberal media, and start thinking for yourself.
Mostly c's: If you hate this country so much, why are you here? You'd enjoy Canada or France, or perhaps Cuba or North Korea MUCH more, I'm thinking, and create a job vacancy for a REAL American by your absence.
BONUS: If you refused to take this test because tests are inherently unfair... yes, you are definitely a Liberal.
Take Part 1 and Part 2 of this test for the full effect.
Hat tip to Les Jones for the quotes from Democrats regarding Social Security.
Another hat tip to James Taranto for the Daily Show partial transcript.
